What is the Invisible Mental Load that Women Bear?
The invisible mental load is the cognitive mental labor that comes with the thinking, planning, and organizing it takes to run a home. This is different than physical labor- which can be described as the execution of household tasks. Problems arise in relationships when there are disparities in how this is shared. This is also why self-care is so important and why Mother’s Day is the perfect time to talk about this!
Frequently the division of cognitive labor, such as planning tasks, anticipating needs, delegating responsibilities, and monitoring outcomes, falls to women even more disproportionately than physical labor. Research from the University of Southern California found that “cognitive labor was associated with women’s depression, stress, burnout, overall mental health, and relationship functioning.” This study, which looked at 322 mothers of young children, found that, on average, women reported they were responsible for 72.57% of all cognitive labor and 63.64% of physical labor.
So how do we change this?
There are non-profits, like Fairshare, that are advocating for change based on the work Harvard researcher Rachel Drapper has done. She has created an app that helps partners split the household chores, motivated to help find a solution to the disparity women face in heterosexual relationships, so that more couples stay together.
She advocates for a four-part solution:
- Perceive all household chores.
- Plan out the ideal split.
- Practice your plan.
- Praise one another’s contributions.
Getting Kids Involved
Do you have kids who are ready to start helping around the house? Look to professionals who are great at teaching these skills to children and offering help to families:
Sam Kelly advocates for parents to use a simple technique she has coined ‘Notice and Do’ to help teach kids to participate in age-appropriate household chores: “When we teach our littles how to ‘Notice and Do’ at home, we’re empowering them to be proactive contributors and lightening our own mental load…Teaching them how to proactively notice what needs to be done at home without waiting to be asked or relying on [parents] to give them an assignment first.” Find her on Instagram and Apple Podcasts.
You deserve a family that works with you, not one that works because of you. -Sam Kelly
Marie Kondo, a world-famous professional organizer and mother of three, has a simple step-by-step guide to tidying with kids.
There are also great books for kids teaching tidying up: The Home Edit, a global home and lifestyle company that started in 2015 as a home organization business, has created two books, one for little kids and another for teens.
The Importance of Self-Care
Self-care sounds fun, but in reality, it is important to avoid burnout, maintain the health of your soul, spirit, body, and mental health. They say you can’t pour from an empty cup, but that’s because it is true!
What does this look like?
- Allowing yourself adequate rest and creating a family ethos that values this, too.
- Having the opportunity to express your unique personality as an individual and the time granted to do so, i.e, quality time. Having the ability to pursue what interests you (creative expression, music, art, sport, interests, passions) and the support of your family in this!
- Self-compassion and understanding if you are healing from an autoimmune or chronic illness, and prioritizing what helps you heal.
- Allowing yourself grace and kindness if you are going against the grain to heal sick family members alternatively, or using Medical Medium practices to keep your family healthy.
Check out my blog on the importance of self-compassion and what comprises mindful self-care, or my 2023 blog on the strength of women.
Spiritual Support for Families
Any activity that you find relaxing, that reaffirms your sense of self and helps you recharge, can have a meditative, rejuvenating quality. These activities include riding bikes, swimming (especially in “living” water, such as an ocean or lake), exercising in other fun way (e.g., dancing, jumping on a trampoline), listening to music, reading, praying, getting extra rest, caring for a pet, learning a new skill with new people, spending time with loved ones, getting a massage, and taking baths with epsom salts and pure essential oils… Whatever it is that brings you peace-that makes you feel positive and hopeful about the world- if you bring a meditative awareness to it, you’ll promote healing for your body and soul. And when you feel grounded and optimistic, you’re likely to encounter other wonderful people who love to be around you. -Revised and Expanded Medical Medium by Anthony William
Are you ready to share the mental load of running a household with your family? Are you ready to prioritize more time for your self-care? Are you ready to reclaim yourself and step into your purpose more than ever before? This is soul-healing, powerful work. When you bring yourself up you bring everyone up around you in the best way possible.
Meditation is a powerful and impactful form of self-care. If you need guidance with meditation, as it’s not always easy to pick up on, check out these healing meditations by Anthony William, the Medical Medium, that help heal us on an emotional, physical, mental, and soul level:
- Soul Light Infusion Meditation
- Breathing Light Meditation: For healing the mental, physical, and emotional.
- Brain Meditation: Letting Go of Fear
- Moon Meditation: Healing Emotional Wounds
- Sunbathing Meditation
Need more support? You were born with the right to reach out to angels for help, healing from chronic illness, and leaning into our true purpose here on earth. In the Medical Medium Revised and Expanded, Anthony William goes into the 27 essential angels, how they help, and how to call on them. For more on angels, look here. Want to know more about the Angel of Mercy? She is the most powerful angel to call on when you are in the throes of suffering. Learn how to call on her and the importance of her work!
Mother’s Day Brunch Recipes
Mother’s Day is typically full of yummy foods for mom. If you are chronically ill or a caretaker to someone who is, thank you for your healing work. As a mom to three girls and as someone who has overcome so many health setbacks, I understand the importance of needing healthy recipes that keep you and your family strong. Don’t let Mother’s Day set you back in poor health. I am here to support you with these handpicked brunch recipes:
Brunch:
Rayyaan’s Wild Blueberry Muffins
Gluten-free and fat-free banana bread muffins
Gluten-free crepes with wild blueberry compote
Rayyaan’s gluten-free banana pancakes
Gluten-free granola and coconut yogurt
Have you ever wanted to join a supportive healing community? Learn more about these topics in my Intuitive Healing Community. I am now offering my most affordable membership yet, where you will have access to live calls with me and access to seasoned practitioners. You no longer have to find your way through chronic illness alone!
Learn more about membership here.
To your health, healing, and happiness,
Muneeza
