AN OPEN LETTER TO PARTNERS OF THE CHRONICALLY AND MYSTERIOUSLY ILL

THIS IS FOR YOU, IF YOUR PARTNER OR CHILD HAS A CHRONIC MYSTERY ILLNESS

I know you are probably worried and scared.

You think that your partner does not know what she/he is doing.

You think they are a little desperate, you know, to follow the advice of a guy who hears things in his ear from.. a SPIRIT?

You are concerned. Your partner is rejecting things YOU know that work, like going to the doctor, taking medication, and getting tests. You think that they should perhaps keep going and you do not understand WHY the heck they don’t trust the doctors like you do.

Plus the changes they are trying to make in their life are affecting you – no more of your favorites… no meat, dairy, eggs, gluten. How can you live your life without those foods? I mean c’mon?

You fundamentally do not think there is anything wrong with these foods. Why should you have to suffer and not have those foods anymore? Or if you still eat those foods, you are now annoyed that you cannot go to your favorite restaurants anymore. You cannot socialize the same way as before. Your partner perhaps does not want to share a drink with you.

And – you have no idea how long he/she is going to be on this kick. When can you go back to being normal?

You respond to your partner with all this frustration and feel that they are really not getting why this is not OK with you.

Or you think that this is really not going to work for them, and you are waiting for them to fall on their face with it, so you can be proven right.

Or you are just scared that if this becomes permanent, you cannot imagine what your life will look like.

Or you are worried that they will try to pressure you to eat the way they do when you a) really don’t need to, b) don’t care to, or c) think it’s a really stupid idea.

Or you think that because nothing came up in the blood work that they are making it up and must be imagining all this illness. After all, they don’t look sick, right? And they manage to function, so how bad could they be?

Or you think – I did not sign up for this – where is the woman (man) I fell in love with? …the one who had a zest for life and travel, the one who loved the outdoors?

Or you think that this lifestyle is going to make you go broke – I cannot afford to pay for all the supplements, organic foods, teas, and herbs – half of which I have never heard of and have no idea about. And I’m sure as hell not jumping on board especially if it’s this expensive.

 

OR

 

You are afraid your partner may be right and force you to confront everything you ever believed to be true, but is not anymore.

It crosses your mind, even if it’s just a brief musing, that they could actually just be making excuses for their lazy behavior.

You’re frustrated because you do not understand from your perspective what could be going on.

I get it.

I soooooo get it.

And you have every right to feel this way.

 

May I share another viewpoint?

The person you are with is struggling.

This is the person you love.

They are sick.

It’s a real thing. Doctors just don’t know it.

Your partner is just as confused as you are. Possibly watching their life pass before them wondering whether anyone will ever understand. Wondering whether YOU will understand.

 

The one who vowed to be with you through sickness and in health…

…wondering if they could ever continue their career.

…wondering if they could ever be a parent Or how they will continue being a parent.

…wondering if this is their fate.

…wondering if they will ever get better.

…wondering if you feel they let you down.

…so worried about spending the family money to get better.

…wondering whether you will leave them because they are sick.

 

They trusted the doctors and the doctors let them down. They have no answers except a pill that does not make a huge difference.

They trusted their bodies which are now not working.

They trusted you, but feel they cannot be honest because you might just walk away.

(If you think this is not true think again – nearly every woman AND man I have spoken to fears that her husband/his wife will leave her/him because of how much their illness has changed them.)

They sense your frustration. They don’t know how to make it better.

Also if your partner is choosing this lifestyle for your child, it makes it even more complex, when you do not agree with their approach. And you have the same thoughts as above, only more. This situation needs you to communicate. To be as clear and honest with each other as possible. Talk about what scares you. And listen to your partner and hear what scares them.

Also, the path your partner may be choosing for themselves may seem off the wall, but…..

How off the wall is it to eat more fruits and vegetables?

How off the wall is it to take some supplements?

How off the wall is it to choose a dietary path for healing? Millions of people all over the world choose diet as a way of healing.

 

May I offer some words to support you? If so, keep reading.

Be honest.

Say you don’t understand.

Say you are scared.

Or frustrated

Or angry

Or all of it

Your chronically ill partner wants your truth… more than anything.

They also do not need to have ALL your emotion directed at them. It’s not their fault they are sick. It’s not their fault you are frustrated. Life happens. Situations happen. Separate your feelings about the situation from your feelings about your partner.

Remember, you LOVE them.

And if you truly deep down do want to continue to be their partner, ask them, “How can I support you?”

“How can I make this easier?”

“What do you need me to do?”

“I don’t understand it and I don’t agree with what you are doing, but I want to support you. I have no idea how to. Can you help me, help you?”

“I want to understand what you are going through. Can you help me understand it?”

And if you have children who are chronically sick and need help, communicate with your partner as honestly and openly as you can. Do not ascribe blame. Own your feelings. Say “I feel {sad/ angry/ scared/ resentful/ annoyed/ frustrated/ crushed etc.}”

This is not a difficult concept and yet, hard in practice.

AND it can be a lifeline for someone who is struggling. It can be a lifeline for those who are misunderstood.

You may feel like digging your heels in and not wanting to make that change. And I validate those feelings. Every instinct in your body may be saying to act in the opposite way to my suggestions. But know this:

Nothing amazing between humans happened by acting on our emotions of struggle and pain. Amazing things happened by acting IN SPITE of our emotions of struggle and pain… through an act of human spirit, through an act of compassion.

I am asking you to be open in your heart and open in your mind.

I am not asking you to believe anything.

When you remain open (and this goes for those who ARE the one in the partnership who are chronically sick), you can hear one another better.

When you remain open, you allow space or compassion to arise. And ultimately compassion is one of the most powerful healers of the human body. If you would like to learn more about compassion please check out the Medical Medium radio show on this topic.

Chronically ill people (of which mental illness is a form) are amongst the most misunderstood people on this earth. Reach out to them. Connect with them. They have hearts and desires and are struggling more than you can imagine and they worry about you worrying.

Please please please – if you are a partner to someone who is sick, please continue to reach out to them. You have no idea how positively it impacts them to have your support, even if you do not believe in what they do.

And to you, directly: I will say it is a hard thing to watch a loved one suffer and not be able to know how to help them, protect them, or provide for them or to think they cannot now provide for you. Your safety net may be crumbling beneath your feet.

It is hard to know how to support them. And this can cause you to have immense levels of PTSD from watching a loved one be sick.

If this is you, get help. Find someone you can talk to, a therapist or a healer who can help you better support your partner.

Even if you do not act on this, I thank you deeply for just reading.

And if you do act on it, I hope you know you could be helping your partner heal way more quickly by relieving them of a huge stress about their relationship and allowing them to solely focus on their healing.

If this resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

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Connie Douglas

Dear Muneeza,
When we began this journey 7 years, I had Myasthenia Gravis. The worst case Columbia Presbyterian had ever seen. I was taking medication every three hours to walk, talk, and breathe. I was going into the hospital every four months for plasmapheresis to wash my antibodies, and it had shut my pancreas down, leaving me a type 1 diabetic. The neurologist said, I trust you, and this gracious soul, Muneeza,. Within one month of changing my diet, weaning me off the medications, my antibodies were holding their own. What I knew, I was starting to feel like me. My husband noticed that there was no longer a drop on the left side of my face, the diplopia was gone, my energy was coming back. Within 6 months, the tests showed no myasthenia in my blood. We then worked on the diabetes. To this day, though not insulin free, my HA1C is 5.4, better than that of a non diabetic. We reduced my insulin intake by 75%.,which considering the majority of my food intake is fruit, potatoes, is miraculous. My doctors call me a walking miracle. I would not be here without the ongoing support, late night calls, emotion code sessions, nutrition sessions, supplements, video calls, healing communitys, created by Muneeza. Something higher brought her into my life, and my heart is so full. Will there be flares? Yes. Do they get me down? No. When you see and learn , and feel the possibility of healing, and know that every body has the natural ability to heal. Our minds are our greatest barriers; the number of evenings, when Muneeza would stay with me on the phone as I cried, telling me to dig my toes into the dirt and feel the earth and look at the moon. The peace would come; a small teaspoon of almond butter would put me right to sleep. Muneeza has been a teacher, a healer, intuitive beyond measure, a nutritional healer of deadly chronic illnesses, a spiritual guide, and a lovely gift in my life. I am grateful for the presence she holds in my life each day ❤️

Muneeza

Dear Connie, this truly warms my heart. Thank you so much for sharing your story here. You truly are an inspiration and one of my favorite people ever!

Kristen

Beautifully written Muneeza. I suffer from debilitating chronic illness and do not have a partner to even hope to lean on. My family is across the country some feeling helpless and some angry and blaming me. It’s been a tough road and the hardest part is not experiencing the compassion or support I so desperately desire.

Muneeza

Oh Kristen, I hear your struggle. Are you able to find a community online to connect with and gain support? There are many opportunities to find this as the followers of Anthony William’s advice are growing rapidly. Please know that you are not alone and please seek out support.

Ginny

Thank you for writing on such an important subject. I have an incredibly supportive partner but this healing journey is really tough at times for everyone involved and your words are extremely comforting.

Muneeza

Ginny thank you for taking the time to comment. I’m really happy that this post was able to provide comfort.

Cheryl Currao

So beautifully and eloquently said, Muneeza–with compassion and grace! You spoke the unspoken…you spoke the raw truth of what is in all of our hearts, and I will share this with my husband. Love and Light, Cheryl <3

Mark

Thank you Muneeza. You are a therapist in the full sense of the word. Regarding relieving my loved one of stress your tips sound great. Let us try and pray and pray and try. Ys Mark (shanti)

Karen

Thank God I have the support of my younger daughter! She is into MM whole heartedly. I am currently living with her so she does the shopping which is so helpful. I have been on MM for 6 mos. My mom and older daughter think it’s crazy and I should go to the hospital for tests and an antibiotic. I have asthma symptoms and low energy. They are worried about me, but I can feel I am slowly getting stronger. This is the answer for me! I know they are thinking many of the thoughts you mention in your wonderful letter! Thank you so much for writing this! It puts a breath of fresh air into the darkness and confusion! You are a kind and insightful healer!

Carol Polo

Dear Muneeza,

This is an incredibly important topic to discuss openly with our loved ones. Although at this time in my life I do not have a romantic partner, I do have a son and family who I am sure at times wonder if Anthony William’s protocol is another fad or even as far as thinking a cult diet. I also believe that their heart and soul tells them that I am doing everything I can to become totally healthy and well. But they may not understand that this protocol takes years to show a difference in my health even though I have explained this many times. Even so, my son has now finally started drinking HMD smoothies and I hope to have my sister follow in our footsteps. Slowly but surely the proof of our healing journey will become self-evident.

Thank you for writing about this much needed topic. This is the beginning of a discussion that we could take much further. I do appreciate your courage in addressing it…an open letter to partners (and family) of the chronically and mysteriously ill.

Sincerely, Carol

Charlene McCaw

Wow!
Tears were running down my face as I was pretending to read this to my husband……
Thank you for your heartfelt thoughts, knowledge and intuition on this.

Alli

Hi Muneeza
Thank you for sharing such a very important message. As the support we get from our partners is crucial in our healing, well it was for me. I know how some people might feel alone due to their partners lack of support but it’s not easy for them either. It’s not easy to see us so ill when we used to be well and full of life. When we would go everywhere with them and care for all the family all the time. I still remember my husband telling the dr that he felt sad that we would never go on hikes again and this broke my heart inside as i too wanted to carry on a normal life, but it was not going to be for a long time. I understand that my determination to get better and do the MM protocol was hard for him to understand at first as he was not ill and the information did not touch his heart as it touched mine but it’s ok as time has a way of showing people that when something is right you will see the changes and you will be happy you never gave up. Especially that you never gave up on each other . This is so important, like Muneeza says communicate with each other, seek help, be it a therapist or a healer so that you can cope with your partners illness , but never give up on each other.
2 years on the protocol I am feeling so well and my husband is in awe of my determination to get better and I am extremely grateful that he never gave up on me. He is my strength when I had none. My voice when no words could come out of me. He is my earth angel . Thank you ❤️

Vanessa

I am in tears! ! ! My current situation. . . And I truly believe because of how upside down my relationship is at the moment is the big reason why my healing hasnt been 100% thank you muneeza for this!

Lynn

Muneeza,
I have felt this way many times but have never seen it expressed . I have often shared this information with my husband in order to help him in his own struggles or to simply share it with someone. He usually moves on to a different conversation and seems uninterested. I continue to do what resonates with my own health and have compassion for what he does for his. It gets lonely but I’m guessing he must feel this way in his own recreational pursuits. I often feel like my health would accelerate if I could totally share what I’m doing with my family and friends. My birth family think I eat strangely but call me the healthy one. I’ve become good at hiding symptoms with them but will share things until they become uncomfortable. I loved reading this. It affirmed how I often think and feel

Muneeza

Thank you, Lynn, for reading and commenting. I am pleased that this reaffirmed your feelings. Maybe if you ask your husband to read this post, he could find something in it that he connects to and it could open up a conversation. I wish you both the best.

Cammie

Dear Muneeza, My husband is the one that is unwell and it has been a long (although granted not as long as some) road that we have travelled now. There have been so many things left unsaid as I have weathered the brunt of being the support person. If there is one thing that I have discovered that I MUST do as a partner of someone who is chronically ill, it is this: TAKE CARE of me too. I am incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by supportive family and friends and this has been my lifesaver. When I am well and taking care of myself (sleep, talking through with friends, spending time doing activities that bring me joy) I am able to show up for those I love with more energy, compassion and love. I have the capacity to hold space for their struggle and pain. For a long time I didn’t know how to do this. And it was hard, showing up again and again. I have learnt that I need to have space held for me and my struggle and that it’s not necessarily going to come from my husband, because at this point he is unable to give me that, and that’s ok. But it is essential. Listening to Anthony’s radio show about compassion was a game changer for me. I was reminded of the importance of compassion for both my husband and myself. Those who are carers for chronically ill people need to know how they can best care for themselves so that they can show up in all the ways you listed above. I am a better person, wife and mother when I remember that I need to care for myself so that I can show up in ways that I want to and without “dumping” all my stuff on them because I am, exhausted, frustrated, feeling alone, grieving the life I thought I would have, etc. Thank you for sharing this today, I am sure it will help many people better understand how to care for those they love.

Muneeza

Thank you, Cammie, for sharing your story. I’m so happy that you know how critically important it is to take care of yourself first. I wish you and your family all the best.

Melissa

Thank you Muneeza for writing such a vivid truth and supportive, and reflective article. I went through a decade + long committed relationship that went downhill when I got more ill. The end was because of it. This will help anyone and everyone whom knows of someone no matter the relation, as well as those that are walking towards their healing path! So many people need to read this and really sit with it and hold space for it and those they care about.

Ashley

This absolutely resonates and is divinely timed. Thank you for sharing this.

Janet Stevens-Nolan

I am thrilled that I found this! I run into apprehensive and doubtful people all the time and this gave way to a relief of much frustration on how to communicate anything involved here that they have doubt about without being combative or negative! I feel my life has been so blessed with these simple truths and am just excited to share. I can now direct them better!

Dianne

Muneeza You blow me away. This makes me want to cry with joy for help with my recent frustrations. This is exactly what I needed right now. This is exactly what my partner needed;
Right now! How did you know?you truly are an all encompassing Medicine Woman par excellence
With buckets of gratitude.

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